Earn all Trophies in the game. "You. Are. The. MAN! (Unless you are a lady. In which case, I apologize.)"
Complete a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
Watch the credits from beginning to end. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made Dead Head Fred?"
Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the trophy back NOW..."
Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
Defeat Wally Wellesley in the final boss battle. "Like I said..."
Kill 3 Tester employees with a single shot from the grenade launcher. "Test the grenades: check!"
Defeat Sting Sniperscope yet AGAIN on Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!"
Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the trophy."
Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
Kill 50 enemies with the Plasma Rifle. "Plasma Rifles--they're not just for Space Marines anymore."
Kill 50 enemies with the Energy Pistol. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
Kill at least one enemy with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
Collect 20 Master Shield pickups. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the trophy!"
Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
Kill 50 enemies with the Sniper Rifle. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
Complete both nightclub encounters without any of the dance-bots being destroyed. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun. "That was a blast!"
Kill 50 enemies with the Dual-Wield Six-Shooters. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
Destroy all of the meat in the Level 2 meat locker. "Have a beef with the owner? Steaking your claim? Beating your...hey, I can go on all day."
Kill all enemies in the butcher shop with head shots. "Nice shooting! But it's not like you're PAYING for that ammo. Feel free to use more."
Destroy 20 destructible cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol. "Frag you."
Shoot 30 potted plants. "Look at 'em. Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you. "That's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Well...maybe not quite as much."
Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
Pause the game for the first time. "Hey...come back here and play!"
Start your first game. "Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. --Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
