Buy an upgrade. Good thing you old types like a bit of DIY, eh?
Fully upgrade a single kart aspect, putting the younger generation and their custom cars to shame with your far superior experience in craftsmanship. And less body kits.
Fully upgrade your kart, showing your grandkids the money they could have had if they were nicer.
Win your first race, proving that old people everywhere actually can drive at a moderate pace.
Run over an opponent's fallen body, adding insult to an already pretty painful injury. You monster.
Use an EMP 20 times successfully - who says old people can't use technology? You do, apparently.
Hose 20 oldies with the Uzi. The world's slowest police chase is going to star you, you criminal.
Expertly explode 20 pensioners with the use of a rocket, causing mass havoc and outcry from the Royal Aeronautical Society.
Slip up 20 people's Sunday drive with some oil, making you no better than the young'ins who litter, you hypocrite.
Successfully use a shield to block 20 horrible whippersnapper's attacks against your innocent old self.
Boost without hurtling far off course and crashing too horribly into the scenery 20 times.
Keyword being was. Knock 5 skaters off the road.
Run over 5 bikers. We know that drivers hate them, but you're in mobility scooters! That's just nasty.
Get gold in all races in the village, telling Grim he's not having your soul tonight.
Get gold in all races in the town, insulting Grim's efficiency by evading his grasp twice now.
Get gold in all races in the farm, making Grim REALLY want your soul now.
Get gold in all races in the graveyard, ruining Grim's happy place.
Get gold in all races in the showdown, winning your fate and telling Grim to stop harassing old people all over the world.
Win a single network multiplayer race, your first step to world domination.
Take your online points total past 10, proving that old people and the Internet isn't a disaster waiting to happen.
Amass over 50 points online, it's what Tim Berners-Lee would have wanted.
Snatch an item off an opponent in Snatch game mode. What has society come to!
Get a Snatch Item pair for double points and bragging rights down at the bingo club.
Get 1 Crazy Granddad item. You are cleaning up this town. Somebody has to. You're just doing it really slowly.
Get the blow-up doll in the crazy Granddad game mode for an evening of pleasure with your very own plastic friend.
Get taken out by a UFO laser, more than a close encounter.
Win a network race on a Wednesday. Then celebrate by visiting the most duck filled pond you ever sat by.
Add to the mayhem by winning a network race on a Monday.
Put your graceful driving to good use by winning a network race on a Tuesday.
Impress the mighty Thor with a network race victory on a Thursday.
Win a network race on a Friday. Just avoid going down by the lake if you can.
Catch that Saturday Night Fever by winning a network race on a Saturday.
Why rest when you could be earning achievements. Win a network race on a Sunday.
You're an all rounder. Win a network race on each day of the week..
Add insult to injury by winning a network race on Halloween, Grim's favourite day of the year.
Win a network race on Valentine's Day and dedicate this achievement to that special someone.
Not a chance, take out your opponents and win a network race on Christmas day.
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